eve of battle

The beginning of the end of each semester starts with an exam and ends with one. It ain't an exception this time, and as with the previous five times, its a mixed bag of feelings.

On one hand I'm feeling the usual "Am I prepared?', "Will the prof throw a bomb on us?", and the question I always ask myself "Am I good enough for an A?". Things I ask myself which cast self-doubt and throws me into disarray. However, the negativity is usually dismissed with similar thoughts, notably by "You've done it before, you'll do it again." and "its party time in _____ (insert number of days left to last paper)"

3 years, 6 semesters are going past at a speed faster than I can comprehend (well I know I'm exaggerating but yea sometimes I feel that), and my seniors who have probably sat for their last papers and are enjoying the liberation from University (or education) . Its a bitter-sweet feeling and to think I'll be feeling that in twelve months' time isn't something I'm really looking forward to.

As I reflect on the semester that has culminated to what it has been today, I've found it the most rewarding one thus far. Had a great time getting involved in some major school events, a fruitful time with my FYP while trying hard to catch up on a record number of skipped lessons. I'm not sure if I'm really that well prepared to sit for the exams, but the build-up to it has certainly been crazy. I mean I would never have gone for things like food fairs, fishing or a xiaolongbao buffet 1 week before the exam, but doing it this semester has probably said very much about a change in perspective. It is possible to play hard and study hard at the same time.

Not trying to give any excuses prior to any possible slip ups. If there is a price to pay, it will be that of a first class honours, but now it seems like something small for everything else I could gain from this loss. And so, hopefully, with that in mind, I will not stress myself out going into the exams again, telling myself to aim for that A which always seem to elude me every time I try so hard for.

Rational expectations, yes the kind of things I need.